📨 The Invisible Invitation

Happy Sunday, beautiful people 😎

It's the monthly edition where the article is written by yours truly, which means it's time for one of our reflections on the wonderfully messy experience of building a life abroad. And if you’ve been here a while, you’ll know that this is where I like going down the emotional and mental rabbit holes of being an expat. So grab your coffee or wine, and let’s unpack some baggage shall we?

If today’s piece isn’t your cup of vinho, and you prefer the practical side of expat life, don't worry. Over the next few weeks we'll be joined by experts unpacking Portugal's latest nationality changes, what they mean for you, and one of my favourite upcoming articles on how to find and buy off-market property in Portugal. Super interesting read, stay tuned.

Before we dive in, one last reminder: today is your final chance to win a copy of Mark Moberg's new book, The Life Arbitrage.

On the surface, it's a practical guide to building a life in Portugal, covering everything from visas and taxes to healthcare and estate planning. But underneath, it's really about asking yourself what matters, what doesn't, and having the courage to build a life intentionally.

Here's how to enter: Share The Expat Hustle using your unique referral link below. As soon as one friend subscribes, you'll qualify to receive a free copy of The Life Arbitrage (paperback or Kindle, your choice). You have until the end of today!

Some border crossings involve passports, queues and customs. This one involves a harness and a deep breath. The Limite Zero Zipline lets you soar 720 metres across the Guadiana River from Spain into Portugal, at speeds of up to 80 km/h, it's the only cross-border zipline in the world and one of Portugal's most unique adventure experiences.

Because Portugal is one hour behind Spain, you'll technically arrive before your departure time. It's a fun story to tell, and one of the most unique experiences you can have anywhere in Europe.

My daughter recently graduated from primary school. Yes, I know... I've mentioned this a few times already. Bear with me. I'm still processing it.

Four years in the Portuguese public school system. Four years of birthday parties, school projects, parent meetings, and countless school pick-ups and drop-offs.

It's a tiny village school with just four grades and around forty children in total, so the parents are naturally very involved.

As we gathered one last time to decorate the local church hall before the year-end celebrations, I found myself holding a roll of tape.

I'd stick something to the wall, only for another parent to smile apologetically and move it a little higher, or lower, or somewhere completely different.

After a few attempts, I decided my greatest contribution to the decorations would be enthusiastic moral support.

And, to be honest with you, everyone seemed happier with that arrangement.

Nobody was rude, and nobody excluded me on purpose.

They were simply getting on with something they'd done together for years. And for a brief moment, I felt like I was standing just outside the circle. Again.

It's a feeling many of us expats know well.

It’s not rejection. It’s just... not quite in.

On the drive home, I caught myself wondering:

Will I ever feel like I belong here?

A few months ago Gabriela Encina, the expat pshychologist, challenged me with a different question altogether.

What if nobody else is responsible for making me feel like I belong?

What if I've been standing at my own gate, waiting for someone else to open it?

I assumed belonging was something that would eventually happen to me. And that one day I'd speak fluent Portuguese, know all the neighbours, understand every cultural reference, and someone would stamp my imaginary passport with the words: Congratulations. You officially belong.

But Gabriela challenged that idea.

Belonging isn't something someone else hands you. It's something you build.

Suddenly, that moment in the church hall looked very different in my mind.

Nobody had stopped me from joining in. Nobody had told me I wasn't welcome.

The only person waiting... was me.

Waiting until my Portuguese was better. Waiting until I knew more people. Waiting until I felt less awkward. Waiting until I'd somehow earned the right to feel at home.

Meanwhile, life was carrying on around me.

Children don't have the luxury of waiting until they feel comfortable.

They have to join the class. They have work on the projects. They are encouraged to play the games.

Some days are awkward. Some days are lonely. But, little by little, belonging grows.

Somewhere along the way, we adults reverse the process. We wait until we feel like we belong before we dare participate. It seems we've got it backwards.

Belonging isn't the reward for showing up.

Showing up is how belonging begins.

This week, I'm giving myself one small challenge.

I'm going to compliment the cashier's nails in my very imperfect Portuguese.

I'm going to wander through a local market, even if I spend the first ten minutes rehearsing my lines.

And I'm going to keep sticking the tape in the wrong place.

Because belonging isn't something that magically appears after five years, or ten years, or fluent Portuguese.

It's something we build, one small act of participation at a time.

But this doesn't mean forcing yourself to be "on" all the time.

Sometimes you'll need an expat coffee, a glass of wine with friends who just get it, or an afternoon speaking your own language. And that’s OK. Sometimes we all need a place to recharge before stepping back out into the world.

But don't let discomfort be the reason you stay on the sidelines.

Belonging is active, not passive.

So this week, pick one small thing.

Because nobody is coming to hand us belonging.

We build it ourselves, one imperfect moment at a time.

💙

Thanks for indulging my musings this week. If you'd like to continue down this rabbit hole with me, you might also enjoy Integration vs. Abandonment and The Expat Rulebook.

We've recently introduced a quick 30-second survey for all new subscribers, but I realized many of you who've been here since the beginning haven't had the chance to share your thoughts.

I'd love to hear from you too.

Tell me where you're from, what's been your biggest challenge on your Portugal journey, and what you'd love to see more of in this newsletter.

Your answers help me find the right experts, build the right partnerships, and create content that makes life in Portugal a little easier.

It only takes about 30 seconds, and every response helps make The Expat Hustle better for all of us.

👉 Take the survey here.

In Portugal, people often say “Está tudo bem?” — but they’re not really expecting a full answer! 😅 Learn how this common greeting actually works and what to say in return.

🗣 Want to learn more phrases like this? Check out Mia’s free Portuguese course “Kickstart Your Portuguese - The Basics”.

💡 Mia from Mia Esmeriz Academy is a Portuguese teacher from Porto with more than 15 years of experience teaching foreigners. She helps expats become fluent in Portuguese in a clear and practical way. Alongside her courses, she also shares free content on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

Thanks for reading! 💌

Hustle on!

Angelique

PS — got an expat friend who's one bureaucratic form away from booking a flight home? Forward this newsletter their way. We're all just trying to figure it out together.