🎢 Your Expat Journey Is Messy. That's Normal.

Happy Sunday, amigos 😎

This week, Portugal is in the middle of what could be the worst snowstorm in years.

Snow. In Portugal.

This isn’t part of the mental picture most of us had when we imagined life here. And yet, here it is. As an expat, this probably didn’t even shock you that much.

Because if there’s one thing life abroad teaches you early on, it’s this: nothing behaves the way you expect it to. Not the weather. Not the systems. And definitely not your own adjustment.

Expat adjustment follows the same rule as the weather: there is no standard pattern. That’s the starting point for today’s main article.

Here’s what’s on the menu today:

Let’s dive in, shall we?

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Rio de Onor is a tiny mountain village inside Montesinho Natural Park whose stone and schist houses are literally split by the Portugal–Spain border, forming one community with its Spanish twin, Rihonor de Castilla, linked by a small bridge over the Rio Onor. For centuries the villagers developed a rare communal way of life in which ovens, mills, land, herds and even the village bull were shared, and local affairs were governed collectively rather than through distant authorities. This isolation also preserved their own hybrid dialect, known as Rionorês or Rihonorés, which blends Portuguese and Astur‑Leonese and underlines how the political border was more symbolic than real in daily life. Today there are only a few dozen residents left on each side, but the village has been recognised as one of the “7 Wonders of Portugal – Villages” in a protected area and attracts visitors who want to see a living example of old communal traditions in a cross‑border setting.

"Did I make one of the biggest mistakes of my life?"

It's the question nearly every expat asks themselves at some point, usually around 3am, lying awake because the neighbourhood dogs just struck up the band, in a frequency apparently only expats can hear.

And somewhere in that sleepless moment, a quieter thought creeps in: something about this just feels off.

You feel embarrassed, frustrated, and, worst of all, incompetent.

We measure our experience against some imaginary benchmark, convinced there's a right way to navigate this transition. Convinced it shouldn’t be taking this long. Or be this hard.

But, my friend, here's the truth that might shock you as it did me: there is no normal when it comes to expat adjustment.

When I asked psychologist Gabriela Encina about what normal adjustment looks like, her immediate response was: "That doesn't exist." As someone who specializes in working with expats, she was quick to clarify that adjustment, especially in the expat context, is "anything but normal."

It’s messy.

And that messiness is where most of the confusion begins.

We've read the books, the blog posts, even attended the “Moving to Portugal” seminar, and heard all about the so-called “normal” adjustment curve: honeymoon phase, culture shock, gradual adjustment, and finally acceptance.

It sounds so neat, so manageable. Even predictable. But, dear expat (or soon-to-be expat if you’re still at the seminar phase), the reality is that it's a freaking rollercoaster.

In our 4 years here, I’ve gone from moments of blissful acceptance, right back to shattering culture shock. Especially during moments of crises (like when my husband nearly died from hydrocephalus, or during our second winter when I believed we were all going to die from toxic mold exposure in our dreamy little tomb-cottage, and I very seriously started learning Italian).

You'll cycle between loving and hating your new location. One week you'll feel competent and connected; the next, you're struggling to fill out a basic form, telling the pharmacist your constipated instead of congested, and questioning every life decision you made that brought you here.

This isn't wrong. It’s not abnormal.

It's the expat experience.

The variables are endless. Language barriers. Family dynamics. Your reason for moving. The cultural distance between home and host country.

All of these shape your experience in ways that can't be standardized. What takes one person three months might take another three years. Neither is wrong.

There is no universal timeline, only individual nervous systems, histories, and circumstances doing their best to adapt.

Instead of asking "Is this normal?", start asking a different question:

"What do I need right now?"

Why this question? Looking at Gabriela’s work with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, we learn that it is all about "accepting and also acting, doing, behaving, not only thinking."

That single question holds both parts of the process.

The answer might be:

This shift moves you from a passive, helpless perspective to a proactive, grounded one.

Recognise that whatever you’re currently feeling is part of the cycle, part of the rollercoaster ride of expat adjustment. And that what you’re experiencing won’t be found on any checklist.

Adjustment is a slow process of deliberate acceptance and consistent action. Of untangling yourself from an identity that you’ve outgrown, and embracing the uncomfortable but liberating space of becoming.

Your adjustment journey doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. It won’t.

So allow yourself the space and time to go through the cycles, in whatever messy order they appear, and reappear.

Throw away the adjustment checklist, strap yourself in for the ride, and accept that, well… maybe all of this is normal after all.

🎢

This article is based on my recent conversation with psychologist Gabriela Encina. I can’t wait for you to hear the full episode once it’s out on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — stay tuned for the announcement.

Before Gabriela became the Borderless Psychologist, she was an expat struggling with the same identity questions she now helps others navigate. In this video, she shares her journey from Chile to Vienna—the years spent dreaming of leaving, the Austrian guy who became her "perfect excuse," and the years of doing everything "by the book" while grappling with who she was becoming. Her story is honest, relatable, and explains exactly why she understands the expat experience from the inside out. If you've ever felt like you're losing yourself while trying to find your place, this is worth 11 minutes of your time.

In this video, Mia explains how the R sound works in European Portuguese.

Depending on where it appears in a word, it can sound stronger or softer, and it often surprises learners who are used to English or Spanish pronunciation.

Understanding this will immediately improve how natural your spoken Portuguese sounds.

🗣 If pronunciation is something you struggle with, Mia’s free Portuguese starter course is a great place to begin.

💡 Mia from Mia Esmeriz Academy is a Portuguese teacher from Porto with more than 15 years of experience teaching foreigners. She helps expats become fluent in Portuguese in a clear and practical way. Alongside her courses, she also shares free content on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

Thanks for reading! 💌

Hustle on!

Angelique🧞‍♀️

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